Men in a Women's Class

I am an adult male. What type of violence am I likely to experience?

Probably, none. I suppose I might be robbed, but the odds of that are pretty slight. I could also be attacked for no reason, but that's even more unlikely.

Might I be sexually assaulted? Figures suggest that about 10-20% of sexual assault victims are male. Sexual assaults happen, but will they happen to me?

Most likely not. A very large proportion of males who have experienced sexual assault suffered the abuse while children. Of those that face it as adults, it is often at the hands of a present or former male partner. I certainly would never wish to diminish the seriousness of any such experiences, but they are not about to happen to someone like me.

I, and people like me, are at very low risk for sexual assault.

That's why it makes me crazy when somebody from within my demographic complains when a self-defence course for women isn't open to men.

They wish to be included in a program that addresses the very real fear that women face every single day.

Typical figures given for the danger of rape within a woman's lifetime put the danger at anywhere from 1-in-3, to 1-in-6. Please keep in mind that the 1-in-6 figure is the most optimistic such statistic I can find.

Like males, this includes the danger of assault during childhood, but unlike them it does not largely vanish upon becoming an adult. It continues throughout a woman's entire life.

The most shocking are studies done that did not rely on generally accepted statistics, but instead had men and women replying to survey questions that did not use terms such as rape or sexual assault. The respondents were asked many, many questions and asked if the scenario in each question, or something very like it applied to their experience. The expected figures occurred regarding women, about 1-in-3 having been sexually assaulted. The big shocker was that a very similar number for men ended up reporting that they had committed or attempted sexual assault.

I do not disagree with the idea that self-defence courses for men are a fine idea, but special programs are necessary for the differing situation that women face.

If a man wants to learn self-defence, he can just sign up for any martial arts class that he finds interesting. The vast majority of the people he trains with will be male, and the presence of females should not cause him any undue difficulties. If he has been a victim of sexual assault in his lifetime, it is overwhelmingly likely that it was at the hands of a male.

Conversely, a great many women walking into a regular, mixed, martial arts class find it extremely daunting, even if they have never been a victim. Let's say a woman walks into a class of 15 students, ten of whom are male. There is a very good chance that 3 or 4 of the men she will be training with will have previously committed or attempted sexual assault. That is what the data would suggest.

She would be crazy to feel comfortable, especially if she has already experienced sexual assault. There are a great many women that would never put themself into a situation where they would be working with men in such a setting.

Think of it this way. Let's say a pit pull almost pulled you to shreds. Some years later, you are thinking of getting a little dog, and so take a dog handlers' course. You walk in, and there are ten pit bulls in the room. The instructor says, “don't worry, 7 of them are very friendly, and only 3 are vicious, and have attacked people before, and are likely to try and kill you.”

Honestly, I don't know how women can stand being around men at all.

That's why there are separate classes for women. It is so they will be comfortable in attending. In any such group, there WILL be women who are scarred by the horror of sexual assault. They do NOT want men there, and if men are present, then they will not be.

“OK class. We're not going to practice what to do when an attacker is sitting on you, and pinning your arms to the ground. Hey, 250-pound Sam, why don't you sit on the chest of that 100-pound woman who was sexually assaulted last year, and beaten half to death. I'm sure she won't mind. Try and ignore the panic in her eyes as she experiences flashbacks to that event.”

There will be women present who never want to be touched by a man again, ever, and can barely tolerate being near them in a crowded mall.

If you are a man, and think you belong there, you are wrong.

I have taught self-defence classes to women, and being male and in the room is even an issue regarding the instructor. My friends at the Jiu-Jitsu school who teach their women's program have experienced exactly the same tension.

There are many logistical considerations when teaching such a course. Who is the instructor going to do demonstrations with? It cannot be a random class member. There will have to be at least one person prearranged to be the partner. It is also better, if a female instructor is unavailable, that the partner is a woman. That way the partner can be the one performing the protagonist roll while the male instructor becomes the assailant.

The Women's Empowerment Class taught at the Gracie HQ academy in Los Angeles does it right. The instructors are Rener Gracie, and his wife Eve Torres. They go pretty much 50-50 in the leader/explainer role, and she always beats the crap out of him, not the other way around.

They have many assistant instructors, mostly women, to help. All must have gone through significant preparation for their role in this particular environment.

There are some men that will fail to understand what I have just said, and insist that self-defence for women classes are sexist. Of course they are, justifiably so.

I know that as a man, I look like a rapist, and I walk like a rapist.

That is simply a fact, and it isn't sexism to make allowances for that in a class designed for women who have concerns about sexual assault, or who have already experienced it. I shouldn't be in the room if at all possible, and if I am there performing some role that demands my presence, I should be extremely careful of my behaviours, particularly regarding physical contact.

Now, of course, violence against women isn't only sexual assault.

Imagine a you are riding on a city bus. Everybody on board is adult, and exactly even by gender. The bus is full.

I wonder how many of the people on board have been recently beaten up by anyone. I'm willing to bet that most of those that have been are women.

No, I don't think that women are out getting into a lot of bar room brawls. They face domestic violence, and they face it at the hands of men.

Perhaps some woman in the self-defence class has never been sexually assaulted, but has been beaten by a boyfriend or a spouse. Do you think there is any room for men in a class presented for her?

The presence of men as fellow students does nothing to improve the experience.

In years of involvement with such programs, I have only seen one role that men can have in such a class that cannot be better filled by women.

A couple of times over the years, I've been called in to help with the such a course's final session, or graduation. I, and other properly prepared male martial artists play the role of attacker to class members who want to see if what they have learned will work against a much larger, and stronger, aggressive, and yelling, male, mock attacker.

With some classes this is not appropriate, and even with those where it is, it is certainly not for every participant. Some people, however, want to test what they have just learned. Even women who only watch such encounters report it as both terrifying and enlightening. Some are unable to stay and watch. Even a simulated, but realistic, attack can be too much to see.

Unnecessary men do not belong in a women's self defence class. If men are there at all, in any capacity, they need to be prepared for their role, and sensitive to the damage they might inadvertently cause.